You’ll Slip. Don’t Fall.

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Inner Bullies Always Try To Pull You Down

Breaking ties with your Inner Bully is not going to be that easy. There will be days where it will be stronger than your will to get over it. Just like any long term toxic relationship, it will try to squeeze its way back in or try to pull you down with it.

Just a couple of weeks back, when we started the website and I began writing these pieces and shooting for the other projects, I was high on motivation. I knew exactly where I was going and what I wanted, nothing was going to stop me from being what I wanted to. My Inner Bully was present at all times but as the days went by, I was able to shut him up. After a week, he stood in the corner of my mind, occasionally popping his head out to say something nasty. I was able to ignore it. I kept telling myself that I was getting there and I knew I wanted it.

Until one evening, all of a sudden, I lost the vigour. I decided to let myself have 10 minutes more on Netflix, which then turned into an hour. I felt lazy and demotivated and it was a downward spiral to doubt-town from there.

Sniffing this, out came my Inner Bully. He walked proudly and scuffed at me as I sat on the floor, defeated. He reminded me of the words he told me before – of how I was incapable and a good for nothing. His words circled me, almost engulfing me into a suffocating abyss.

I started believing him again. Maybe he is right. I mean, who am I to start my own website? What sense do these stories even make? Oh, what a failure I will be!
And this went on for a whole week. For the entire week I twisted and turned in my bed as my eyes were glued to my cell phone. I distracted myself with the compulsive charms of social media and Netflix again.   

Everytime a part of my brain reminded me to get on my feet and start getting work done, out came my Inner Bully. He kept me pinned down for the better parts of the week until I realised what I was getting back into.

Even though I wasn’t feeling it, I worked. I opened my laptop and started slowly knocking off the smaller tasks. As the days went by, I started finishing bigger things on the list. I kept telling myself to keep my head in the game and focus. In a few days, my Inner Bully found its way back to its corner.

You will slip and there will be times it won’t be easy to get back on track. Give yourself some space but constantly remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Even when you’re down, have the courage to not think about the mean statements your Inner Bully throws at you.

Lastly, dust yourself off and pick yourself up. You’ve got a long way to go!

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